do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
