I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
