Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
