She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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