im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
