So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
