When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
