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I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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