this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
