I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
