eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
