you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
third nipple confirmed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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