I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
