Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
