At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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