VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
