There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
