Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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