I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
