I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
