like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dicks are not precious.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
