Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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