My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
