Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
