Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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