she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
