if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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