your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
