If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
