every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
