I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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