What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
