My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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