just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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