one two three fourrrrnication!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
