Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
