There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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