Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
