I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think my moral compass just broke
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
