Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
