Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I will die if light touches me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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