why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This baby is an asshole
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
