even my farts smell like vagina
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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