I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
