I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
