walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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