I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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