My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
