I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
