smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
