What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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