Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
